by Asante Lucy Mtenje

 

Yes, your eyes will bulge and even pop out of their socket,

when what’s left of my tongue darts out those words,

those words that should have pinned you to the wall,

to the ground, before you pinned me to the ground

and smeared me with your venom,

before you pinned me to the wall and left me hanging.

Permanently fixed on your wall for you and your mates’ indulgence,

“a pretty sight for sore eyes” you say?

Your sore eyes probing and poking

my insides, invading my insides, breaking my insides_ _ _ _ _

Then boxed and wrapped in a glittery but cheap wrapping paper,

you “safely” insert me underneath those pungent, furry armpits of yours.

The stench from under there chokes me, smothers me

but I viciously fight the desperate urge to break out of the box

and out of the wrapper and I win.

I know that only you know when is the right time for to get me out.

You always know for you know me.

You have known me since the beginning of time.

After all, you made me!

You moulded me into life between the curves of your calloused palms.

With your bare hands you carved me out of nothing.

With your rancid breath I sprang to life.

Your blood courses through my veins.

You are my maker and so it is your sanctified duty to straighten my path.

Your duty to wound me with your words,

with your fists and my duty to drench you in my love, my gratitude,

for you are my maker.

 

But deep down the labyrinth of my mind,

I know you do not know me.

Like an epiphany, it hits me that you never carved me out of nothing.

In fact I made you out of nothing.

I breathed life into your lifeless body.

I straightened your faltering path while I floundered mine.

In you, I whispered and birthed an unwavering faith in yourself!

In my loyalty to you, I embraced a blinding vision of you.

I unwounded your wounded ego while you wounded mine.

On my tired shoulders, I carried your burdens,

thirsting for His salvation on your behalf.

Like a malignant tumour, you grew in me,

through me, sucking and nipping my insides,

wasting and consuming my whole,

like cancer, demanding and taking my all,

while thinning my bones and my walls.

But I will succumb no more.

And yes your eyes will pop out of their walls

as you watch me gather and keep the little pieces of what’s left of me.

 

 

 

 

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